It’s Up to Them

I was speaking with friend about his job, and some of the difficulties he was facing. As he described the situation and conflicts, I recognized some steps that could help. I suggested some changes that my friend could make and he responded immediately ‘But they are the ones who need to change!’ Immediately, I saw the truth and broke out into a grin.

‘Isn’t that statement the source of most human issues?’

The division between ‘us and them’ often leads to conflict, or disagreement, or hostility, or blame shifting. When we perceive someone as different, we may assign judgment to those differences. Our judgments often delegate differences as threatening or non-threatening. When we perceive someone as different, we may see their beliefs as ridiculous and write them off.

When we perceive someone as an opponent, we give them energy and power. The more that we strengthen barriers because of differences, the more difficult the opposition becomes.

Imagine two extreme contrasts. In one world, every individual is completely alone, disconnected from everyone, and fully responsible for his own peace of mind. In the other world, each person shares in a common energy, connected to all, and yet is still an individual. In the world where we are alone, every person is a separate entity. Each person has different effects on us, beginning at neutral and moving towards either extreme.

We like or dislike others based on our feelings and beliefs and how they compliment our own ego. The existence of ego is necessary to our survival as individuals. Without ego, we do not recognize ourselves as special or different. When we begin to feel challenged or threatened or upset, it is usually ego that is speaking. Our need to be recognized as important often leads us to speak up even when listening would be a wiser choice.

To overcome issues of conflict, begin to look at the other person in a neutral manner, then attempt to perceive elements that are common between you. Notice similarities rather than differences. Notice elements of power, skill or knowledge that add to your own being, and enhance the energy of the world. See how the other is both a reflection of you and a beautiful addition to the harmony of the planet.

It may not be easy to learn new perceptions. When we are particularly challenged by the efforts or character of another, it can be difficult to accept them. Anger often builds and others may act as catalysts driving you towards action or change. However, it is important to remember that the easiest way to overcome ‘us and them’ is to form a common ‘us’. When we expand our group and perceive commonalities, conflicts can be reduced.

Copyright 2009 Reprinted from 'Soulwork 101: A New Age Guide to Personal Transformation' by Glenn Stewart Coles